Such a Boy
by frecklesonthisdoll
Summary: Abandoned, poorly-written brotherly!kinn crack with huge author notes. Yeah.
1. JRock and Princesses

**A/N**:  
The page mentioned in this story is linked on my profile. Even if you are familiar with Japanese music, please check it out before reading this story, so you stand on the same front as me for the references. If you don't, don't complain. This is my first FanFiction story, I just had fun with it. Such a boy might become an exercise series or a compilation of one shots. Please, read and review!

**Disclaimer**: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Glee.

**Warning:** Rated T for themes such as sexual orientation and overall teenage attitude. Just to be sure. ;P

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Kurt was laying on his bed, enjoying some music whilst surfing on Vogue dot com, thinking that a few of the models looked dead, when Finn came bursting down the stairs.

"Kurt! Kurt-kurt-kurt-kurt kurt. Kurt!"

"Hello, Finn Hudson. How many times have I told you that 3 cups of coffee in a row, even after football practice, can't be g―"

"I know, not good for me, that's why I only drank 2!" Finn smiled proudly and went on after Kurt sighed disapprovingly "I wanted to talk to you about something, though."

Kurt sat up and patted the space beside him, which Finn gladly took after kicking off his shoes to his side of the room. After a minute of silence and 30 seconds of staring at Finn, hoping to get the message trough, the smaller boy asked "So, what did you want to talk about?".That seemed to snap Finn out of his trance.

"Yeah, right!" He turned his head so he was facing Kurt "Last night, I was browsing the web, like anyone would, for new music and I came across this style called J-Rock. Even though I have absolutely no idea what they are signing about overall, the girls in the Visual Kei groups are quite attractive and the music is good!"

Kurt stifled a laugh "I still don't know why you are talking to me about Japanese music and, Finn, I know no Visual Kei group or band that include a girl."

"See, there was this web page I came across, I even bookmarked it in case it would be handy, it was a list of J-Rock Princesses! Don't go and tell me princesses aren't girls."

"Of course, princesses are girls. Would you show me that page? I'm curious." Kurt knew he had a way to greatly embarrass his stepbrother. He really didn't know any Visual groups including girls, but he did know some that had a princess.

Finn turned around, grabbed Kurt's laptop and typed _J-Rock Princesses list _in Google on a new tab. He then pointed to the first link, which had a little star beside it, he really had bookmarked it and Kurt laughed inwardly at that. The page listed 50 bands and their cross-dressing members. Finn looked at Kurt, a told-you-so look on his face. That look went away quite rapidly after the wiser boy clicked on a "load more items..." button, which the taller boy obviously hadn't seen the previous night. The description of the item 51 clearly stated that the two members were the ones who cross-dressed the more often. Were they cartoon, Finn's jaw would be on the floor.

Smiling cheerfully at his shocked room-mate, the small boy asked him to look cautiously at each picture and say aloud if he really thought they were all girls and wisely stated the obvious: none of them had breasts. At all.

"I can't believe I didn't.." the quarterback trailed off.

"I can't either. I mean, being mistaken is fine, but the manly leader of the McKinley High School football team, who dated the head of the cheerleaders and a girl with a pretty generous chest, failed to witness the lack of breasts for the addition of a dress? You even said they were attractive! Finn, are you in the closet? "The taller boy shook his head from side to side" Good! 'Cause I really don't feel like dealing with that right now. I'll agree that Bou and Toru Chang are cute and that Miyavi is hot, but couldn't you see the bone structure on― "

"Fine! I was mistaken, but I bet I wasn't the only one who thought that a girl who could work on a guitar like Miyavi could do wonders on―"

Kurt shook his head and sighed."No, you aren't the only one who thought he should be good with his hands elsewhere. I was disappointed when I found out he was straight... And married, with two kids."

"I never knew."

"I expected that of you, but there is one thing in my favor: a good proportion of them bat for my team!" Kurt concluded with a satisfied smile.

"I still don't get why they're called princesses, it's misleading! They dress like girls, grow their hair and they even put make-up on! I wonder how many guys got the Bangkok surprise because they didn't have a smart, gay stepbrother..."

"You are such a _boy_, Finn Hudson!"

**Fin!**


	2. French, trouble and kick

**A/N:  
** Okay, so in this 2nd installement of my Such a Boy series, Kurt will be going all French on Finn. This turned out as a dialogue _and_ translation exercise for me, since I figured it would be more pleasant if the French bits were still there, but converted to the reader's understanding.

(_Text that looks like this is the English translation of the previous French statement._)

**Disclaimer:**  
As much as I wish I did, I do not own Glee.

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"Bonjour, Finn Hudson!"  
(_Hello, Finn Hudson!_)

"You're so not going all Spanish on me Kurt, you know I suck at that class!"

"Oui, je sais. Je parle Français justement, pas Espagnol. Si je veux aller à Paris un jour, je dois m'entrainer à bien parler!"  
(_I know you do. I am speaking French, not Spanish. If I want to go to Paris one day, I need to train myself to talk properly._)

"Dear Lord, have pitty of me and let that algebra homework be easy."

"Finn!"

"Look, Kurt. I don't know what you want beacause I don't know French!"

"Je te veux."  
(_I want you._)

"Mmhh?"

"Rien du tout."  
(_Nothing at all._)

"Nothing? You're beat red, dude!"

"Rien!― que ton corps musclé, tes mains fermes, tes lèvres sucrées, tes grands yeux, ton doux toucher et tes baisers tendres sur moi."  
(_Nothing! ― but your muscular body, your firm hands, your sweet lips, your wide eyes, your sweet touch and your tender kisses on me._)

"Kurt, stop mumbling and slow down if you want me to understand what you're say― Oh! I got it. You don't want me to understand, right?"

"Merde, il a été plus perspicace que je ne l'aurais cru sur ce coup-ci!"  
(_Shit, he was more perceptive than I thought he would be on this one!_)

"I know for a fact that _merde_ means shit, so I was right, because you hardly ever curse. And you're getting embarrassed! Now I really want to know what all that is about."

"Je dois trouver le moyen de fuir. Est-ce possible de contourner un quart-arrière?"  
(_I need to find a way to flee. Is it possible to get aroud a quartrer back?_)

"I want to know, Kurt, and, trust me, you will talk."

"Je suis le botteur!"  
(_I am the kicker!_)

"What?"―"_Oh-my-sweet-baby-jesus-son-of-mary-and-joseph_. OWW! Why the _hell_ did you feel the need to restrain me from ever having kids! Come back here!"

"Je botte et je fuis! Mets de la glace là-dessus!"  
(_I kick and I flee! Put ice on that!_)

"Argghhh! Kurt Hummel, you will pay me back and I will make you talk!"

"Jamais!"  
(_Never!_)

"Why?"

"Arrête de couiner, à la fin. C'est simple, c'est parce que tu es un tel garçon!"―"Sérieusement, par contre, tu devrais mettre de la glace dessus."  
(Stop whinning, already. Simply, it's because you are such a boy! ― Seriously, though, you should put ice on that.)


	3. Cosplay, awkwardness and trauma

**A/N:  
**_A huge bunch of thanks to __DiLancreRoyalty__who submitted__the idea __for this one in __a __review to _French, trouble and kick_.__This was supposed to be an all-description, no dialogue one-shot, but I couldn't resist ending it on a few spoken lines. I hope you enjoy, please review!_

**Disclamier**_: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Glee._

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When Finn Hudson got back from yet another football practice, he was surprised that his stepbrother wasn't in their room, but he decided that taking a shower was much more needed then than confirming that he was at Mercedes' place. He grabbed underwear, a pair of washed-up blue jeans and a stripped white and green polo from his drawers before heading to the en-suite bathroom. He took all his time and came back to his room a few minutes later, dressed, rubbing a white towel on top of his head to dry his short brown hair.

Kurt Hummel was sitting cross-legged on his bed, pretending to read a French fashion magazine, like he does once in a while. Finn didn't pay attention to his seemingly usual behavior and walked past him to grab his schoolbag. Realizing something felt wrong, he abruptly turned around. His knees yielded with the shock of the sight and he fell, butt on his bed.

His stepbrother stood up, he looked more _fabulous_ than he ever had in front him. He sported black, above the knee boots, with pink laces on the front, ending in a tiny bow on his knee, and some white lace coming over the edge of the boots. He had a short, black skirt on with a couple of white petticoats under it, to give it volume ― the longest one was about five inches above his boots. He wore a simple, white, short-sleeved blouse with thin black lace edges. On top of it, he wore a well-adjusted black jacket, decorated with complex, round, silver buttons and thin pink laces crossing downwards on each side. Two long bows of lace were tied around his neck, one pink and the other one black. On his arms, he wore detached pale pink sleeves, with pink crossed lace on top of a black and white polka-doted stripe of fabric, that ended with a wide strip of black fabric around his wrists. He wore a massive, but still classy, silver ring around his right thumb. On his head was a maid-like headband, with again a pink bow and a black bow on the left side. The most surprising part, though, was that he was wearing a wig. The hair was blond, almost white, chest-length. The front part formed a pointed arch, the highest point right above Kurt's left eye and the longest points reaching his collarbones. The back part was gathered up in two even, thin, long pigtails, one high on each side of his head. Being himself, he had put attention to detail and had put on black eyeliner and contact lenses, a bit of pale pink lip gloss and deep black nail polish.

Kurt had been planning this very moment for weeks ― since the "Princess" incident, to be exact. He had chosen one of the cutest guys of the list, made some research and produced a precise replica of the outfit. He even went as far as wearing his new ring, which perfectly matched the buttons of the vest. So there he was, posing and smiling in the middle of his room, awaiting his stepbrother's ultimate reaction to the fact that he was dressed up as Bou, from An Cafe. The reaction was slow to come because Finn, not being the brightest Crayola in the pack, was still processing some details of the scene that was in front of him. At last, the tall boy squinted his eyes, blinked twice and gasped loudly. Kurt felt a lot of pride. Finn fainted. Kurt hadn't really planned for that eventuality, but he remained calm and went to get a wet wash cloth to put on the jock's forehead. He also took advantage of the situation, slightly slapping his cheek a little too cheerfully ―he needed to get some stress out― to get him back to his senses.

When the quarterback woke up, he was laying on his bed and his head felt cold. He was confused. He slightly remembered a skirt, and an awful lot of laces and a blond wig, but those memories were very blurry. His cheek felt weird, too. He opened his eyes and everything was forced to his mind again. Kurt posing and twisting and making cute― ahem, awkward faces at him. The young boy, still dressed up, was sitting next to his brother, a satisfied smirk on his face. Finn looked clueless and, Kurt thought, totally adorable. He yet had to understand why any man would dress-up as a princess, but he obliged that it suited some people very well, like Kurt, not that he would ever admit it.

"Finn, stop trying to see through my blouse, you don't posses x-ray vision."

"What? Me? I―why would I do that!"

"Right. Now that I had my fun, can I go change? I can't start my moisturizing routine with that wig and make up on. "

"Ugh, guess so. Kurt, why did you even bother to―?"

"I already told you Finn : fun." The tall boy looked even more confused, he couldn't think of any part of the dress-up process as amusing or fun. "You're such a boy! And if you continue to try to see through my clothes like that, I swear I'll have you cosplay as Ciel Phantomhive***** in the soirée outfit from the Jack the Ripper case ― _corset included_!"

Kurt left the room to change and Finn shrugged. He didn't even want to know.

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*****_Main character of Black Butler. If you want to see the soirée outfit, just Google _Ciel Phantomhive girl_, and you will be served._


	4. Dance, closet and toys

**A/N:  
**_Hey! I hope you are all well and you enjoy this one. I believe it is the longest one up until now. Karyn, if you read this, I hope you won't think I'm crazy for using this song. I thought it would be fun, and it was! I am in desperate need to finish a maths homework, it is almost midnight, I have a French exposé tomorrow, but I am happy! ;P_  
_(the song's lyrics are written in italic) _

**Disclaimer**:_ As much as I wish I did, I do not own_ Glee_. Neither do I claim to own any trademarks or copyrighted items mentionned in any of my stories, unless I do own them._

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Kurt was just coming back from an enjoyable weekend at the spa with Mercedes, although it had been cut a tad bit early, since Mercedes got an emergency call from Quinn. What for? He didn't know and didn't care. He felt so nice, light and fresh, after two days of relaxation and talking about everything that came to his mind. Of course, it would have been insane to receive treatments _all _weekend long so, to perpetuate their state of mental peace, they went shopping, as much as Lima could offer, which was, well, not much.

In the same train of ideas, they had spent the night at a hotel. That eventually led to them dancing and signing at the top of their lungs at three in the morning, waking up the occupant of the room next to theirs― a boy who was quite hot with ruffled hair and low pajamas pants. To the boy's surprise, the duo invited him to join them, to make up for the disturbance. End result: three teenagers passed out on the bed at 6 am, with the alarm clock set for 8.

The duo checked out and headed back to the spa sleepily the next morning, after a copious breakfast. The small boy slept through his facial and foggily answered his friend's questions during their first massage of the day.

So there Kurt was, walking to his front door. He didn't bother to get his house key out, his stepbrother had no social life lately and he knew very well that the door would be unlocked. He walked in, heading towards the staircase, when music came up, so loud he could feel the beat through his feet with each step he took. Finn had been _really_ lonely. He thought he recognized the song and was struck by curiosity, because it was well out of what Kurt thought to be Finn's repertoire. He quickly tiptoed to the top of the stairs and quietly dropped a foot after the other, his head undergoing tough rhythm and melody, until he could peak into his own room. He felt a little voyeur, but his guilt went away rapidly.

Finn was facing the opposite wall and shaking his hips, on beat. He had overall no coordination and a very low sense for body rhythmic, but somehow he was doing it right. In a second, Kurt had his iPhone in hand, recording the sight from a few steps higher than he previously was on. If the jock was to look his way, the chances were almost nonexistent that he would see the phone peaking down. The tall boy started moving his hands above his head and, as the lyrics started, he turned around to face the same wall the staircase was facing.

_I see you looking yeah you looking over my way  
I'm gonna leash you up and put you into my cage  
__Teach __you how to touch me baby how to say my name  
Bet that you never had nobody that'd give it you this way_

Finn was still dancing, hands in the air, but it could now be established that his eyes were closed. He got into more passionate, lyrical dancing, what with leashing up, touching and such. All the while, he was signing along quite correctly to the lyrics, loud enough to be heard over the music ― which was saying something. The counter-tenor was torn between arousal and small fits of laughter._  
_

_I wanna put you in my__closet__  
I wanna play till I'm exhausted  
_

_I wanna come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend let me play with you _

_Come, come baby come  
Be my toyfriend till I'm through with you_

Inside Kurt's brain:In his closet? I wish. Play with him? Gladly! Oh my! Have mercy! Finn Hudson, who usually sways his hips as smoothly as a door frame, just fucking booty dropped! Effing b-o-o-t-y D-r-o-p-p-e-d. Oh! Aha ha ha ! God! _Thatwassosexy!_ Hold on to your phone! There... Hahaha... Have to stop laughing or that video won't be worth shit.. . .. Aha ha.. . .. Seriously, thought, that was hot. Did he? He just slapped his ass!_  
_

_Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
Bounce_

The small boy felt a little uncomfortable. His crush was now facing him, moving on a sexy song, pointing in his general direction with each _you_. His eyes were still closed and Kurt was still recording. It would be awesome on Facebook as revenge material._  
_

_Ain't gotta__dress __you up and put you on display  
Rather keep you in my__dollhouse__  
I'd turn you on turn you on in so many ways  
And I don't ever have to use no__batteries__  
_

_I wanna put you in my closet  
I wanna play till I'm exhausted_

_I wanna come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend let me play with you  
Come, come baby come  
Be my toyfriend till I'm through with you  
_

_Let me play, let me play  
Let me play, let me play  
Let me play  
_

"Well," Kurt thought "he surely doesn't dance like that at Glee practice. Agreed, he _might_ cause a sex riot if he did BUT it would be great for the club. Right, for the club's interests. Did someone get the heater temperature up?"

_Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend let me play with you  
__Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend till I'm through with you  
_

_Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
Let me play with you  
_

_Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend let me play with you  
Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend till I'm through with you  
_

_Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend let me play with you  
Come, come baby, come  
Be my toyfriend till I'm through with you_

He finished up his performance by taking in a good quantity of air and bowing to the four walls of the room, opening his eyes, surprised, when he heard someone clapping. Kurt had put his phone in his pants' back pocket, gotten to the basement floor and was beaming an embarrassed Finn.

"Why, hello, Finn Hudson. I must say, that was very entertaining. I didn't know you had it in you."

"H-hi, Kurt." The football player was still uneasy. Regardless of the fact that he towered over the other young man, the smaller boy could prove himself very intimidating. "By any chance, d-did you―?"

"See you dancing and signing on _Toyfriend_? Yes, I did. Record it all in HD? Of course, I did as well. Am I going to hold you up to it, threatening you to share it everywhere possible online? See, that is a very likely possibility, if you really get on my nerves."

"Why?"

"Because I am broke from my fun weekend with Mercedes and I am craving some more fun― and spring rolls from the local Vietnamese place, please."He knew karma was going to get him back on this one, but he was having too much fun to let go of it right away." I expect you to be nice to me. Unless you feel like sharing your skills with Puck, that is. "

"Right. But I _will _take my revenge."

"You are way too careless and obvious, but let's see you try anyways. You're such a boy, I can already feel the fun coming." Kurt walked towards his bed and sat, cross-legged, after getting his blackmail weapon out of his skinny jeans. "If you don't mind, I'll take some time to thoughtfully enjoy your performance whilst you go order us dinner, it's our parents' date night."


End file.
